Who knew I could provoke a response?
The people at work are different now.
Rather than gathering in the atrium/cafeteria before work and eating and drinking and babbling on animatedly to each other, they don't socialize like that now. Strange groupings (meaning people that I don't normally associate as interacting) of three seem to be the de facto, and they stand in areas of the building that are always just around a corner, as though they want to be shielded from view on a psychological level.
Also, oddly, everybody seems to be wearing a lot more perfume/cologne.
Nothing happened last night, on my eighth straight shift in a row. Except that at about 0500 or so the air pressure outside dropped so much compared to what the environmental systems in the building create that when I'd push the release on the heavy doors, they'd BLAST open. I spent a fair bit of the last couple of hours of my shift standing by the front door and opening them for people before they got close enough to get smashed in the face, which is what would have happened.
Eventually the pressure rose I guess, since the doors didn't fly open so much. And when the time for the magnetic locks to auto-release for the day, one of the doors just sort of held itself open in the warm breeze coming from inside. I might add that I have to really push on these doors to move them, so the pressure differential was no little thing.
Had alarms from all over the building from doors that weren't shutting, or were trying to rattle free from their frames in the pressure. Damn strange.
After work, I shot down to a shoe store that my mom likes and wanted to meet me at. See if you can guess what she's getting me for Christmas. ;)
I have a fairly poor grasp of fashion, both of what's fashionable and why that's an important concept. So as long as they were comfortable, I was happy to let her and the sales attendant pick out something. Turns out that the one she really liked doesn't actually fit me, they don't have a pair that would in stock, and it's been discontinued so they can't order them. But she found something close, and they're ordering them. I'm glad that worked out. :)
But after the shoe store, as she was driving me home, it came up that she and my brother had read my blog concerning my birthday and felt I had been very aggressive and even kind of condescending about it.
Which surprised me, since that's not how I felt about it, and not how I remembered feeling when I wrote what I wrote.
The gist I was trying to get across was that yes it's appreciated when someone says happy birthday to me, but no it's not appreciated if the person saying it is going to dog me with it until I'm pumped up and excited, since I'm never going to be.
Anybody who isn't my family but knows me knows that I don't tell people when my birthday is. That isn't a ploy, it's so that nobody does anything for it. And especially so that people don't feel that they have to do something for it.
Most people are aware that my birthday is in the winter, and often they also know it's in Dismember... er, December, but rarely do they know when. So that tends to kill any of their tendencies to do anything about it.
Once my birthday is past, if they ask, I'll tell them when it was. So far, nobody has remembered the date the following year, and that's what I count on.
A quote from an email I got today, from someone that was once my girlfriend and right now is... I don't know. Both a girl and a friend, although in what combination I can't say: "I even tried extra hard to get to email for your Birthday (being one fo the few who knows it) ;) ".
She found the date because years ago I was playing pool and kept my wallet in my jacket, and it was hanging on a chair, and she was determined to find out when my birthday is. That was my girlfriend at the time. Significant others and family (and even certain friends) have a lot of leeway in this matter, since I don't bitch them out about doing my birthday, but this one definitely had a good grip on how I felt about things. She would let it go by with a couple of private words in the morning, and a present that I could open and then kiss her thanks for. I wonder if her insight came from having her birthday on Christmas Day.
I would like to say though, and this may come across a bit aggressive, that for years the same people have asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I've very often said "nothing" or "I don't need anything you can give me". For years. And nobody ever listens.
Do they think I'm being cute? This isn't some sort of false modesty or anything, it's that I just don't want to go through all of that again. Yes, I've appreciated what I've got in the past. No, I'm not going to gush over it. And no, I probably can't give you the response that will make you feel good about what you gave me. So please, can't you guys just stop stressing me (and possibly yourselves, depending on how it goes) and not do my birthday despite me?
And you know, how do you suppose it's made me feel for all of these years that my opinion on myself is held in such low regard that I fairly consistantly say what I want for my birthday, and nobody bothers to think that I mean it? You all know better than me how I should be? Ouch.
Yes, it's nice that you got the kind of cake I've liked since I was a kid made authentically. Yes, the presents were wonderful, and I really mean that. It's great that you took me to dinner. Ever notice that when I don't get everybody else to say where they'd like to go, I often pick a ridiculously close place?
That's because less distance = less time doing the birthday thing.
Really, I find it incredibly stressful that I'm expected to participate in this thing that I just don't want to do. So say happy birthday if you want, I'll say "thanks".
Don't force it on me. I don't force you to do things, at worst I'll change things by altering my level of involvement in them. At least that's how I see it. Sorry if I've hurt anybody's feelings, that's not how it was meant.
My mom said that my brother was disappointed or hurt that he couldn't do anything/call me on my birthday. And that he said something along the lines of "Why piss him off any more?". I said that I was surprised that I didn't get a happy birthday from him, even in an email. In fact, he was one of the three that I was surprised about.
Know why I was surprised? Because although I'm sure I'll hear "I never knew you felt this way about your birthday!" from some, it isn't new. And I was surprised because since when did anybody ever take what I said about it seriously?
Comments? Matt or Fictional Correspondant, you actually reply to these things sometime. What do you think? Am I being too misanthropic here? And if you're happen to be on the applecart of those that find it's unpleasant to reply when I ask for your opinion, don't feel any stress to.
Well, I just spent the past two or three hours writing this (not solid of course), shifting stuff around and editing. It still reads like I hacked it out with a machete, but that's as good as I can do. I've had no sleep for close to an entire diurn and I'm sure my brain is smaller because of it.
Perhaps later I'll post something interesting, if I find anything and I remember.
Rather than gathering in the atrium/cafeteria before work and eating and drinking and babbling on animatedly to each other, they don't socialize like that now. Strange groupings (meaning people that I don't normally associate as interacting) of three seem to be the de facto, and they stand in areas of the building that are always just around a corner, as though they want to be shielded from view on a psychological level.
Also, oddly, everybody seems to be wearing a lot more perfume/cologne.
Nothing happened last night, on my eighth straight shift in a row. Except that at about 0500 or so the air pressure outside dropped so much compared to what the environmental systems in the building create that when I'd push the release on the heavy doors, they'd BLAST open. I spent a fair bit of the last couple of hours of my shift standing by the front door and opening them for people before they got close enough to get smashed in the face, which is what would have happened.
Eventually the pressure rose I guess, since the doors didn't fly open so much. And when the time for the magnetic locks to auto-release for the day, one of the doors just sort of held itself open in the warm breeze coming from inside. I might add that I have to really push on these doors to move them, so the pressure differential was no little thing.
Had alarms from all over the building from doors that weren't shutting, or were trying to rattle free from their frames in the pressure. Damn strange.
After work, I shot down to a shoe store that my mom likes and wanted to meet me at. See if you can guess what she's getting me for Christmas. ;)
I have a fairly poor grasp of fashion, both of what's fashionable and why that's an important concept. So as long as they were comfortable, I was happy to let her and the sales attendant pick out something. Turns out that the one she really liked doesn't actually fit me, they don't have a pair that would in stock, and it's been discontinued so they can't order them. But she found something close, and they're ordering them. I'm glad that worked out. :)
But after the shoe store, as she was driving me home, it came up that she and my brother had read my blog concerning my birthday and felt I had been very aggressive and even kind of condescending about it.
Which surprised me, since that's not how I felt about it, and not how I remembered feeling when I wrote what I wrote.
The gist I was trying to get across was that yes it's appreciated when someone says happy birthday to me, but no it's not appreciated if the person saying it is going to dog me with it until I'm pumped up and excited, since I'm never going to be.
Anybody who isn't my family but knows me knows that I don't tell people when my birthday is. That isn't a ploy, it's so that nobody does anything for it. And especially so that people don't feel that they have to do something for it.
Most people are aware that my birthday is in the winter, and often they also know it's in Dismember... er, December, but rarely do they know when. So that tends to kill any of their tendencies to do anything about it.
Once my birthday is past, if they ask, I'll tell them when it was. So far, nobody has remembered the date the following year, and that's what I count on.
A quote from an email I got today, from someone that was once my girlfriend and right now is... I don't know. Both a girl and a friend, although in what combination I can't say: "I even tried extra hard to get to email for your Birthday (being one fo the few who knows it) ;) ".
She found the date because years ago I was playing pool and kept my wallet in my jacket, and it was hanging on a chair, and she was determined to find out when my birthday is. That was my girlfriend at the time. Significant others and family (and even certain friends) have a lot of leeway in this matter, since I don't bitch them out about doing my birthday, but this one definitely had a good grip on how I felt about things. She would let it go by with a couple of private words in the morning, and a present that I could open and then kiss her thanks for. I wonder if her insight came from having her birthday on Christmas Day.
I would like to say though, and this may come across a bit aggressive, that for years the same people have asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I've very often said "nothing" or "I don't need anything you can give me". For years. And nobody ever listens.
Do they think I'm being cute? This isn't some sort of false modesty or anything, it's that I just don't want to go through all of that again. Yes, I've appreciated what I've got in the past. No, I'm not going to gush over it. And no, I probably can't give you the response that will make you feel good about what you gave me. So please, can't you guys just stop stressing me (and possibly yourselves, depending on how it goes) and not do my birthday despite me?
And you know, how do you suppose it's made me feel for all of these years that my opinion on myself is held in such low regard that I fairly consistantly say what I want for my birthday, and nobody bothers to think that I mean it? You all know better than me how I should be? Ouch.
Yes, it's nice that you got the kind of cake I've liked since I was a kid made authentically. Yes, the presents were wonderful, and I really mean that. It's great that you took me to dinner. Ever notice that when I don't get everybody else to say where they'd like to go, I often pick a ridiculously close place?
That's because less distance = less time doing the birthday thing.
Really, I find it incredibly stressful that I'm expected to participate in this thing that I just don't want to do. So say happy birthday if you want, I'll say "thanks".
Don't force it on me. I don't force you to do things, at worst I'll change things by altering my level of involvement in them. At least that's how I see it. Sorry if I've hurt anybody's feelings, that's not how it was meant.
My mom said that my brother was disappointed or hurt that he couldn't do anything/call me on my birthday. And that he said something along the lines of "Why piss him off any more?". I said that I was surprised that I didn't get a happy birthday from him, even in an email. In fact, he was one of the three that I was surprised about.
Know why I was surprised? Because although I'm sure I'll hear "I never knew you felt this way about your birthday!" from some, it isn't new. And I was surprised because since when did anybody ever take what I said about it seriously?
Comments? Matt or Fictional Correspondant, you actually reply to these things sometime. What do you think? Am I being too misanthropic here? And if you're happen to be on the applecart of those that find it's unpleasant to reply when I ask for your opinion, don't feel any stress to.
Well, I just spent the past two or three hours writing this (not solid of course), shifting stuff around and editing. It still reads like I hacked it out with a machete, but that's as good as I can do. I've had no sleep for close to an entire diurn and I'm sure my brain is smaller because of it.
Perhaps later I'll post something interesting, if I find anything and I remember.
posted by Rimmy at 10:58
1 Comments:
I don't think you're being too harsh about it really. At least I don't think so. I guess the way it was writen at first , it might of sounded a bit aggressive but I dug it.
I didn't mean to sound on your case either, because I know some people are annoying with birthdays and won't let it go! ;) And yes its mostly for them and not for the birthday dude.
I do know when it is, and the only reason i would do something for it is because I kinda like doing things like that for my friends, but if your real wishes were to leave it be I would do that. But you must admit, it IS nice to get a free dinner once in a while or something like it;)
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