If only I could do the little boy voice that this needs:

The Best Spaceship EVER!
Would fly out in space.
It would have fins like a shark,
And a clown for a face.

Its wings have propellers,
Its sails catch the breeze.
It runs on marshmellows,
And its wheels are skis.

The pilot is brave,
He drinks, like my dad.
He rarely takes showers,
And he yells when he's mad.

"Rimmy! What the hell's wrong with this damn thing? The steering wheel's a frikkin PRETZEL, damn it! Whoa, shit!"

Then it plunges straight into the sun,
And that bastard was never heard from again.

"What?! Rimmy! Rimmy, I'm breaking up! Oh my God, it's a sauna in here! What smells like burnt marshmellows? Dear God! I'm sorry for everything I've ever (hiss crackle)"

And that's the best spaceship EVER!

The crows on site are crazy. As you may remember from previous posts, there are an estimated one hundred thousand of them in the area. But now they spend a good chunk of the night swirling around the buildings, looking very intimidating with their numbers and erratic behavior.

Mind you, they did this last year too. And the year before. They just started doing it a little later.

Now instead of going to roost they cover, and I mean cover the yards and sidewalks in front of all the buildings. And by cover, I mean "completely obscure with copious quantity of bird". It's fun walking home through that, I'll tell you. No suspicious white splotches on my pants so far (ha!), but it's just a matter of time.

On Friday, coming home on the train, there was a bit of a fight. A couple of big drunk young guys hopped on the train about half a dozen stops from mine. No problem.

Next stop, another couple of guys hopped on the train. Also no problem.

Halfway to the next stop, there was some yelling, so I looked up from my book. The two pairs were wrestling with each other. I assumed they knew each other, right up until I saw the fist-to-mouth punching that was going on.

One guy was down on the ground, and was being kicked repeatedly in the head. So much so that he was kicked halfway across the train until his head was under my seat. Sigh.

The kicker came up looking to deliver more, and our eyes met. "Don't make me get involved." was all I said. He could have creamed me, for the record.

He turned and went to devote his attentions to the other guy. I hit the yellow silent alarm, and the guy under my seat rolls out and, still cradling his head, wanders back into the fray to be hit a bunch more. Idiot.

Next stop, they're all thrown off and I ride home in relative peace. Whoo.

Speaking of the weekend, everybody went out to their Halloween events. I thought this year women were going for a sort of fairy/cirque de solei look. So what's with all the crackwhore costumes? I'll never follow shifting fashions.

I didn't spend the weekend doing Halloween stuff, though. I played the hell out of my new game, Guild Wars Nightfall. And I probably had a better time than you did. Free imaginary hats, for the win!

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go float a Milky Way.

So I was playing a little Guild Wars with winamp randomly running through my extensive playlist, when a great little tune came on. But for some reason, I couldn't immediately identify it. That's because it doesn't have a name, but I know one of the guys that whipped it up. Click here if you want to hear it. It fit tres bon with what I was doing. :)

Speaking of what else I was doing in Guild Wars this weekend, I blew ninety thousand to raise the level of one of my titles (and didn't succeed). I'm an idiot. Good thing it's only pretend. :P

I worked on Saturday, because one of my guards took it off and nobody else wanted the shift. No biggie.

But on the way, looking down from the SkyTrain on the highway, I saw a hand-painted sign: "Giant Prawns $10!"

A kilometer or two later, there was "Shrimp $12", followed by "Crab $12" and various other signs. I was expecting to see a low-end seafood place that had just opened up, but instead I saw a beat-up van with a hand-painted sign on the side parked beside the road, with the driver throwing a look out the window periodically to see if any customers had pulled up.

So my question is... who in the hell would buy fish out of the back of a van, when we live in a port city that's awash in seafood?!

Got a marked bill back in change from my chai. Had a website saying "Track this bill!". The bill has had a boring life. What a silly concept.

Saw The Departed on Sunday, and it was good. I also discovered that I can't drink a litre of soup immediately before a movie, and then drink a liter of Sprite during the movie without some discomfort.

I didn't leave, but I did make sure that I was the first out of the gate when the movie was done. ;)

Incidentally, when I was getting the aforementioned Sprite, there was a girl in line in front of me that was so skinny, her shoulderblades made some sort of reverse cleavage in her shirt. It was... eye-catching.

She also had eyes that were partly on the outward curve of her face. I noticed this from directly behind her. Use your imagination.

On the way home, right before our station, the train jolted and then bounced and skidded with the brakes activating appropriately. I've got fairly good balance, but all I could think of was "What's this train trying to do, a fucking wheelie?"

It wasn't, but they took it out of service anyway. At our station. Nice.

Random

Recently, to give myself more floorspace, I removed the three-quarters semicircle of Perrier bottles around my command chair. Two hundred and four of them, to be precise.

At 750 ml per, that's a quick 153 litres of lemon Perrier I downed. Not all in one sitting, of course. I'm hardly Bullet Tooth Tony, after all.

Heading to the local Safeway to restock, I picked up eight bottles and some Ribena. At the counter, the checker picked up the Ribena and asked me "Is this for you?"

Wondering who she thought it was for, I said "Yes."

"And do you mix it with this Perrier?"

A bit nosy, isn't it? "Yes."

"That's very European" says she, and doesn't speak for the rest of the transaction, including not telling me what my total is. Weirdo.

Filipina Colada is her usual self, touching me more than she actually has to. Got me to rub her shoulders and neck the other day by dint of subtly putting my hands there and saying "I'm SO sore!" Sneaky.

Somehow contraception came up, and she didn't know that you could avoid having a period at all by only using the three weeks worth of birth control pills, and then going to the next ring. She also, as it turns out, thought that the earlier you being menstrating the sooner you need to have kids, since you run out of eggs sooner. She claims they taught her that in nurse school. Interesting.

Last week, as part of the preparations for installing a new elevator, a crew came in to image the area before doing some coring. I was told that nobody should come within fifty feet of the emitter. Fair enough.

Of course, nobody had told the cleaners, so I went around and told them that they wouldn't be able to get back into their room for the rest of the night. Most of them were okay with that, since I gave them another room to use.

But the couple (married) that do the bathrooms were another matter. I caught them on the third floor, and explained it to them. Since none of the cleaners has english as a first language, and "radiation" isn't the easiest thing to explain with hand gestures, I finally hit upon the idea of describing it like when a dentist takes pictures of your teeth, only strong enough to penetrate concrete.

The husband was okay with it, but the wife got a frightened look on her face. I started to reassure her, but she was backing away saying "Please, I can't. I'm a mother. It might be okay for my husband, but I have two children. Please." and she threw down her mop and ran away out of the building. Clearly I need to work on my speaking mannerisms.

Q-tip has heard from DiceGimp!

DiceGimp, if you'll remember, was "promoted" (removed) from the site for (various accumulated offenses) eating garbage in his uniform. But he called up Q-tip nearly in tears, because he's so frustrated.

It seems that on his new site, there's a supervisor. This guy has the nerve to tell DiceGimp what to do!

The supervisor also reviews what his guards actually do. They have to use a pipe system (they electronically tag where they've been and when), so DiceGimp can't just say he's patrolled - the record demonstrates it. And it's reviewed by said supervisor. DiceGimp is used to sleeping and doing nothing, but can't do that now.

And the supervisor rides him for being a useless guard (which is true), especially since the day after his training, his first shift alone, he was doing nothing and the place got broken into for the first time in two years.

DiceGimp wants to come back to the old site, but Q-tip has gleefully informed him that there's no room at the inn. ;)

Another trip to Safeway and they were out of the icecream I dig, so I picked up some Haagen Dazs as a substitute. When I got to the counter, the checker started in with "Haagen Dazs! Clearly you're a man of distiction!"

I laughed and said it was a substitute, but she went on about ice cream for a bit. A bit flirty, but that's okay.

The flirting kept on, and as I was starting to go she said "So I guess you're off work and heading home to eat that ice cream, eh?"

"Yup."

"What a coincidence, I'm off work too and ready to go." (significant look my way)

Oh. Oh...

Nah. "Have fun!"

She was cute enough, but I think she only wanted my icecream.

Or maybe she smelled the soap I'm using. Sure, I pay something like seven bucks per hundred milligrams and it's mildly explosive, but it's pretty nice soap. Pure frikkin girlbait!

Enjoy:

Star Trek Cribs: