I spend more time awake at work than anywhere else. Cry for me.

So when I got paid last week, the amount was wrong. But I didn't know what exactly had gone wrong until my pay stub showed up in the mail on Wednesday.

It seems that somehow the 104 hours I'd worked the previous two weeks got paid as straight time, rather than having the overtime calculated in.

Bastards.

So I went in after work Thursday morning and of course there were no payroll staff in, so I just filled out a report on it and hope that they rectify it for the next cheque.

Of course, this pay period is going to be a duplicate of the last one, as when I got to work last night my S/S asked if I'd cover his shift for him eight hours after the one I was just starting finished.

Does that make sense? Sure it does. Deal with it.

So assuming they pay me properly this time, and include the missed overtime pay from the last pay period, I ought to be getting straight pay for 136 hours on the next cheque. I hope I don't have to fight for it. :P

At least it's going to a good cause. ;)

In other news, at work I stole a car. Yup.

It was the evening after Chinese New Year. Gung Hay Fat Choy to all you cocks... er, roosters out there.

Anyway, I gave the Indian guy and the Polish guy each one of those hollow cookies that look like a dessert version of the straws you use to drink slushes (that's Canadian for slurpee, in case you thought we cleaned the winter streets like animals) and a lucky candy each.

The Polish guy thanked me and said there was a chocolate bar waiting for me on the table. I thanked him, and went off to finish my patrol before eating it. I have to wear a white shirt, and I certainly don't need to get chocolate on it while wandering around in the dark.

When I came back, the Indian guy was gone and the Polish guy asked me to let him into the atrium to fill up his water bottle. As he came in, he mentioned that the other guy had eaten my chocolate bar.

"What?!" I asked.

Apparently he just walked by, saw it sitting there, and inhaled it without breaking stride.

I went out to see for myself, and sure enough it was gone. But you know what wasn't gone? His car keys, sitting on the same table. ;)

So I grabbed them, ran down to P1, and drove his car down to P2 and 180 degrees around from where it was originally.

Then I replaced his keys.

Time passes, and I'm on another patrol. My site phone rings.

"Security."

"Hey man, someone stole my car out of the parkade!"

lol

"Yeah right, nice try dude. Do more reasonable lies if you want people to believe you."

"Man, what should I do? Call 911?"

"Good idea."

"Come out and see!"

"When I'm done my patrol, you big liar."

So after about fifteen minutes I went out, and he was pacing the lobby.

"Man, it's gone! Where is my car?!"

"Where's my chocolate bar?"

Pause...

He laughs his ass off, and points to his stomach. He's got a good sense of humour. :)

A lot of people in my building have been asking me what sort of hours I work, since they seem to see me all the time. And they ask what all's involved in being security.

Of course, many of them want to hear a story with a little bit of excitement, preferably involving the site, and luckily I have a couple. They shiver appreciatively, and go off with big smiles. It's kind of cute. ;)

If you've read this blog for a while, or care to go back to December, you'll know that the site I work at laid off a bunch of people, and closed many of the other locations across Canada.

Well, now there's a large room in my building that's stuffed with computers brought back from those places. And some of them are set to be raffled off.

They're all from Dell, and I don't know exactly what they are, but I don't want any. However, I would be interested in winning one of the laptops if they raffle those. They've had a few raffles since I've been there, but I've never entered. But I know someone who'd probably be happy with a laptop, so I'm going to see if I can't get in on this. :)

Hmmmm, I have to leave for work in 4.5 hours, I haven't slept, haven't eaten, haven't showered, and feel wide awake.

I hope somebody appreciates this. :P

Oh, and I got my first power bill since moving into this place. Ready for it?

For December and January, I used a whopping 294 kilowatt hours of juice. Lord, where am I going to find the $25.05 to pay off these two months worth of power?

Ha ha to all of you that thought there was something weird about me turning off the lights behind myself. ;)

Man, do I ever want a Funker-Hearse!

And check out this primer for the birds and the bees with the translated title of "young person's sexual song-with-animal-legs".

A link for someone in particular, but you can look at it too: Disturbing Auctions

And something I stole from my favourite author's site.

This is a quote from Senator Tom Coburn of Oklahoma (R), the doctor who sterilized a patient without her knowledge when she was 18, and who has said that doctors who perform abortions should get the death penalty. Meanwhile, in talking about those worthless class action lawsuits:

"I immediately thought about silicone breast implants and the legal wrangling and the class-action suits off that. And I thought I would just share with you what science says today about silicone breast implants. If you have them, you're healthier than if you don't. That is what the ultimate science shows. In fact, there's no science that shows that silicone breast implants are detrimental and, in fact, they make you healthier."

Gah.