You take the venom out of a cobra, and what have you got? A belt, that's what.
When I got in to work on Wednesday, I saw that I'd finally got the schedule for the next two weeks. And in the slot for the Sunday after next, I saw that the Zoroastrian had been stood down, and a name I've never heard of before substitued in his place. Interesting.
At 1630 the phone rings.
Me: "Security, Rimmy speaking."
Scheduler: "Hi Rimmy, this is Scheduling."
Me: "What can I do for you?"
Scheduler: "I was hoping you could stay until 0400 today."
Me: "You want me to get off shift at 0400?"
Scheduler: "Yes. We have someone coming to your site for training today, and I told him to show up at 2000."
Oh for Christ's sake.
Me: "Well, can I get a ride home arranged with mobile for 0400 then?"
Scheduler: "Sure, no problem."
Yeah right. Mobile is easily arranged when you need to be at a site, but the priority to get you home seems to be a little lower down the list. Somewhere on par with getting a high colonic.
Me: "Wait, is this new guy going to cover the graveyard starting tonight?"
Scheduler: "Yes, Yumpin' Yiminy has been stood down and this is his replacement."
Me: "Well, then four hours of training is probably sufficient if he's going to be continuing on directly."
Scheduler: "Well, it's up to you. Is four hours going to be enough?"
My opinion on sufficient training is well known enough to have been entered in my personal file with them. I know, I've seen it in there.
Me: "Four hours with me and then continuing on should be fine unless he's a retard. Sorry if that's a bit harsh, but it's true."
Scheduler: "Well, you be the judge. If you're comfortable with him after four hours of training, that's fine. I'll leave word in Operations that you may call to adjust your hours to stay until 0400 and need a ride from mobile if you feel he needs more training."
Me: "That'll be fine."
Click.
As I paused to consider this, the phone rang again.
Ring.
Me: "Security, Rimmy speaking."
Cookie Monster: "Hi Rimmy, this is Cookie."
Me: "Yes? What can I do for you?"
CM: "I just got your report on Yumpin' Yiminy and have stood him down from the site. Sounds like he's a real loser."
Me: "He's not a loser, he's a very nice guy. I just think he's got some sort of early stage dementia, and can't be left to do things consistantly without supervision. And I can't give him that on this site, of course."
CM: "Well that business with not opening the doors, that's just pathetic."
Me: "He's not doing it out of malice or sloth, he just honestly doesn't remember to do it, and yet he thinks that he has. He's definitely not a bad guy."
CM: "Well he's not there anymore, and I just wanted to tell you that."
Me: "Okay, thanks."
CM: "I also wanted to tell you that he doesn't know that yet, and I haven't been able to get hold of him. So if he shows up there tonight, don't let him in and tell him to call me in the morning."
Me: "Wait, he doesn't know he's not here anymore?"
CM: "No. I got your report late in the day and so I haven't been able to reach him. But if he does show up there, don't leave if he's still hanging around."
You jackass.
Me: "Okay, I'll take care of it. And what about Zoroastrian?"
CM: "He's being stood down as well. As you've probably guessed, we've been pretty tight for available people, so I've just bandaged your site and we'll look into a solution when we can."
I repeat: you jackass.
Me: "Alright then."
CM: "If Yumpin' Yiminy does show up there, give him my name and cell phone number and tell him to call me during business hours tomorrow."
Me: "No problem."
CM: "Thanks for taking care of this Rimmy."
Me: "Bye."
God, I hate my company. Here's some speculation from me based on my internal persona of Cookie Monster and some information that he doesn't know that I know:
I've sent him more than one multipage report on Yumpin' Yiminy. At his request, I might add. This one that he "just received today" wasn't the first.
The client (at my request) emailed Cookie Monster telling him to remove Yumping Yiminy and Zoroastrian from the site and giving some of the reasons why. I requested it because there was no indication that my company gave a shit when I told them that the client had requested it. People who sign the cheques have more clout. I also happen to know that included in that email (not at my request) was the observation that the client has me to speak on their behalf, and if I tell my company something, it has the same force as coming from the client herself. That email went out last week.
Cookie Monster doesn't know that I know about the email.
The sloppy and immediate action that was taken upon receipt of my latest report made me look at it again to figure out what may have prompted the speedy response. It's hard to say, since I worded it factually, but with a certain amount of (hopefully) subtle rebukes about CM's lack of response, but I think the phrase that people at the site were badmouthing our company (i.e. "You hire 'em dumb, eh?") was what got things moving.
Cookie Monster may be a useless tit, and be full of excuses to anybody that complains, but random people spreading things via word of mouth are beyond his ability to stem.
Such is my theory, anyway.
The new guy showed up, and seemed to be okay. He remembered things faster than most of the other people I've trained, and he's fairly new to security which I've found I tend to prefer. I've had exactly two temporary guards at the site (filling in) that were old timers in the industry that were fairly good, but the rest of the people with experience have been awful and mostly professional at doing sweet bugger all.
I'm a bad boss, though. I asked him if he was confident enough to do the site and he said yes, so I asked him if he needed me to train him for another four hours (this was just before midnight), and asked if I please would.
We talked a bit more, I fielded his questions, and steered him towards saying he was okay on his own, and then left. He had my number if he needed anything, and I stressed that it doesn't matter what time it is or what the problem is, he should never feel hesitation in calling.
And then I left him there. Even though he'd asked me to stay. That makes me bad.
I mean, I did think he had it nailed, but he was clearly a bit nervous. That's a crutch I didn't want to be though. I can't coddle someone for too long, or they become useless for what I need them to do. Plus, I didn't want to stay until 0400. I think that was a major consideration as well.
Anyway, I didn't get any calls from him all night. I'll see how he did when I go in and review the multudinous data sources I have. Including gossip. ;)
Oh, and how much does it suck that I have the HP in my work profile?
I got a call from the director of operations this morning asking if I'd help them out with a five hour shift tomorrow morning before I head on to my regular site. There's some big thing going on at the Justice Institute and he asked me to be there. I think I'll be patrolling one one other person around a specific area, but I'm not sure offhand what the area is.
Anyway, there are lots of police and whatnot that frequent the halls of the JI, so they don't just send anybody. Hence all the people with HP in the file being pulled, and my name popping out.
HP is High Profile, in case it wasn't obvious. I've got that (i suspect) by dint of speaking english and being a total mook.
I haven't decided if I'll do it yet. But I probably will.
I'm a frikkin' pushover sometimes.
At 1630 the phone rings.
Me: "Security, Rimmy speaking."
Scheduler: "Hi Rimmy, this is Scheduling."
Me: "What can I do for you?"
Scheduler: "I was hoping you could stay until 0400 today."
Me: "You want me to get off shift at 0400?"
Scheduler: "Yes. We have someone coming to your site for training today, and I told him to show up at 2000."
Oh for Christ's sake.
Me: "Well, can I get a ride home arranged with mobile for 0400 then?"
Scheduler: "Sure, no problem."
Yeah right. Mobile is easily arranged when you need to be at a site, but the priority to get you home seems to be a little lower down the list. Somewhere on par with getting a high colonic.
Me: "Wait, is this new guy going to cover the graveyard starting tonight?"
Scheduler: "Yes, Yumpin' Yiminy has been stood down and this is his replacement."
Me: "Well, then four hours of training is probably sufficient if he's going to be continuing on directly."
Scheduler: "Well, it's up to you. Is four hours going to be enough?"
My opinion on sufficient training is well known enough to have been entered in my personal file with them. I know, I've seen it in there.
Me: "Four hours with me and then continuing on should be fine unless he's a retard. Sorry if that's a bit harsh, but it's true."
Scheduler: "Well, you be the judge. If you're comfortable with him after four hours of training, that's fine. I'll leave word in Operations that you may call to adjust your hours to stay until 0400 and need a ride from mobile if you feel he needs more training."
Me: "That'll be fine."
Click.
As I paused to consider this, the phone rang again.
Ring.
Me: "Security, Rimmy speaking."
Cookie Monster: "Hi Rimmy, this is Cookie."
Me: "Yes? What can I do for you?"
CM: "I just got your report on Yumpin' Yiminy and have stood him down from the site. Sounds like he's a real loser."
Me: "He's not a loser, he's a very nice guy. I just think he's got some sort of early stage dementia, and can't be left to do things consistantly without supervision. And I can't give him that on this site, of course."
CM: "Well that business with not opening the doors, that's just pathetic."
Me: "He's not doing it out of malice or sloth, he just honestly doesn't remember to do it, and yet he thinks that he has. He's definitely not a bad guy."
CM: "Well he's not there anymore, and I just wanted to tell you that."
Me: "Okay, thanks."
CM: "I also wanted to tell you that he doesn't know that yet, and I haven't been able to get hold of him. So if he shows up there tonight, don't let him in and tell him to call me in the morning."
Me: "Wait, he doesn't know he's not here anymore?"
CM: "No. I got your report late in the day and so I haven't been able to reach him. But if he does show up there, don't leave if he's still hanging around."
You jackass.
Me: "Okay, I'll take care of it. And what about Zoroastrian?"
CM: "He's being stood down as well. As you've probably guessed, we've been pretty tight for available people, so I've just bandaged your site and we'll look into a solution when we can."
I repeat: you jackass.
Me: "Alright then."
CM: "If Yumpin' Yiminy does show up there, give him my name and cell phone number and tell him to call me during business hours tomorrow."
Me: "No problem."
CM: "Thanks for taking care of this Rimmy."
Me: "Bye."
God, I hate my company. Here's some speculation from me based on my internal persona of Cookie Monster and some information that he doesn't know that I know:
I've sent him more than one multipage report on Yumpin' Yiminy. At his request, I might add. This one that he "just received today" wasn't the first.
The client (at my request) emailed Cookie Monster telling him to remove Yumping Yiminy and Zoroastrian from the site and giving some of the reasons why. I requested it because there was no indication that my company gave a shit when I told them that the client had requested it. People who sign the cheques have more clout. I also happen to know that included in that email (not at my request) was the observation that the client has me to speak on their behalf, and if I tell my company something, it has the same force as coming from the client herself. That email went out last week.
Cookie Monster doesn't know that I know about the email.
The sloppy and immediate action that was taken upon receipt of my latest report made me look at it again to figure out what may have prompted the speedy response. It's hard to say, since I worded it factually, but with a certain amount of (hopefully) subtle rebukes about CM's lack of response, but I think the phrase that people at the site were badmouthing our company (i.e. "You hire 'em dumb, eh?") was what got things moving.
Cookie Monster may be a useless tit, and be full of excuses to anybody that complains, but random people spreading things via word of mouth are beyond his ability to stem.
Such is my theory, anyway.
The new guy showed up, and seemed to be okay. He remembered things faster than most of the other people I've trained, and he's fairly new to security which I've found I tend to prefer. I've had exactly two temporary guards at the site (filling in) that were old timers in the industry that were fairly good, but the rest of the people with experience have been awful and mostly professional at doing sweet bugger all.
I'm a bad boss, though. I asked him if he was confident enough to do the site and he said yes, so I asked him if he needed me to train him for another four hours (this was just before midnight), and asked if I please would.
We talked a bit more, I fielded his questions, and steered him towards saying he was okay on his own, and then left. He had my number if he needed anything, and I stressed that it doesn't matter what time it is or what the problem is, he should never feel hesitation in calling.
And then I left him there. Even though he'd asked me to stay. That makes me bad.
I mean, I did think he had it nailed, but he was clearly a bit nervous. That's a crutch I didn't want to be though. I can't coddle someone for too long, or they become useless for what I need them to do. Plus, I didn't want to stay until 0400. I think that was a major consideration as well.
Anyway, I didn't get any calls from him all night. I'll see how he did when I go in and review the multudinous data sources I have. Including gossip. ;)
Oh, and how much does it suck that I have the HP in my work profile?
I got a call from the director of operations this morning asking if I'd help them out with a five hour shift tomorrow morning before I head on to my regular site. There's some big thing going on at the Justice Institute and he asked me to be there. I think I'll be patrolling one one other person around a specific area, but I'm not sure offhand what the area is.
Anyway, there are lots of police and whatnot that frequent the halls of the JI, so they don't just send anybody. Hence all the people with HP in the file being pulled, and my name popping out.
HP is High Profile, in case it wasn't obvious. I've got that (i suspect) by dint of speaking english and being a total mook.
I haven't decided if I'll do it yet. But I probably will.
I'm a frikkin' pushover sometimes.
posted by Rimmy at 12:47
3 Comments:
It would actually help if Mr. Rimmy DIDN"T DO EVERY FUCKING THING FOR THEM!!!, despite the fact they are all incompetant except him....
Since CM never bothered to leave a message indicating that YY should call him, I have no evidence that he ever bothered to call him at all. That goober.
And yes, I tend to do more than fair share there. But if I don't, who will? They'll learn no lesson if I don't, and this way I'm earning cred with both the client and the lower level management whom the office also dumps on. That could come in handy later when the streets run with the blood of the non-believers and I need galoshes.
You make a fine point, I'll need some of those boots as well.
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