Did everything taste purple for a second there?

Today, in 1812, Canada set fire to the White House and other public buildings in the District of Columbia, something we should consider doing more often.

Of course, we were the British back then, but you know it was really us. ;)

Apparently Cafeteria Lady spoke to her good buddy Crazy Cougar Receptionist yesterday after our conversation about me being nosy, because CCR was in a good mood when she came into the office this morning. So much so, she even greeted me and made what would seem to be a comradely comment: "Good morning! Are you sitting at your new desk?"

I don't have a new desk, I'm sitting at the same place she's seen me sitting at in the mornings for a year now. She's just on a high because she thinks I got in trouble for something that she stirred up. Little does she know that a fair thwack of people know it's just her playing her games, and she's not supported. Ho hum, it's so easy to defeat gossips when all you have to do is tell the truth. ;)

I also managed to sort of get rid of DiceGimp last night, which was a welcome change. He was late coming in, and Buffalo Kisser scolded him for it, so he sulked for a while away from where he thought we might find him.

A silly attitude, since radio doesn't care where you're hiding.

He called me an hour or two into the shift though, saying that he'd found a parking ticket outside and what should he do with it?

I told him to take care of it.

He likes to repeat himself over and over and over during a conversation, oftentimes in the same sentence. He kept asking, and I kept telling him. He wanted me to take it and deal with it, but that's not actually my job and I'm tired of bailing these silly bastards out of their own idiocy.

So finally he said he'd leave it on his table for me to pick up at my leisure. Fine, whatever.

So come about 0600, he looks through my locked-to-him glass doors to where I'm sitting, and said "So what do you want me to do with this ticket?"

Rimmy: "Besides rolling it up and smoking it up your ass, you mean?"

DiceGimp: "Do you want me to push it through your doors or what?"

Rimmy: "Do you see my name, my company's name, my client's name, or my site's name on it?"

DiceGimp: "No, but it may belong to you."

Rimmy: "May belong to someone from your area too, shouldn't that be your first consideration?"

DiceGimp: "So should I push it through your door or not?"

Rimmy: "Fine, go ahead."

DiceGimp: "Wait, I'm suspicious now."

Rimmy: "Then don't push it through."

DiceGimp: "You've been resisting taking it all night, and now you're saying you'll take it? What does that mean?"

Rimmy: "Means you've got a decision to make. Push it through and lose control of it, or keep it and deal with it."

He appears to think about it for a bit, then smiles very slowly (possibly because he's trying to remember the correct sequence of muscles to use to do so) and sticks the ticket through my door, but holds on as though he's teasing me with it. I keep my poker face on, but it's easy because I truly don't care.

He lets it drop.

I get up to retrieve it, and say "Great. Now I have to write up an incident report to staple to it before I give it to your client."

DiceGimp: "What?"

Rimmy: "Don't you think they need to know that their guard doesn't know what he's doing, and that he gave up their own documentation to someone who shouldn't have it? They're lucky I'm an honest guy."

Fifteen minutes later he was moving his table and bag out of my lobby and vanished for the rest of the morning. Sweet! Now if he'd just stop calling me all the damn time.

I'm so tired, I can't seem to get any more than a couple of hours of sleep during the late morning, these past few days. Hopefully I can recharge my sleep battery Friday night. Just because you can go without doesn't mean it's fun. And it cuts my patience down to the bare minimum. Lord knows I won't be giving any breaks if there's a problem at work, and that's just no good. Sigh.

Of course, there are those with stranger jobs than mine. Gopal Haldar earns his living as the ghost man. Now there's a niche that it took a wise man to see needed filling.

Most amusing bit of fake news I've heard this week:

German Luftwaffle Chain Offers Waffles, Overwhelming Air Superiority

MUNICH - An elite force of three dozen 24-hour Luftwaffle restaurants were unveiled across Germany Monday, with free waffles for blond-haired, blue-eyed customers, discounts on Cheese SwasSticks, and the incendiary bombardment of Luftwaffle's largest competitor, the city of London. "Soon, customers will fall under the sway of my lightning-quick, piping-hot Blintzkreig," said Hans Kreuzen, Luftwaffle's founder and oberstmanager-general. "All will know the sweet, buttery taste of fear and waffles from above." Luftwaffle restaurants are expected to face ruthless competition in Germany's already crowded martial-themed eatery business, which is led by such established chains as WehrKnochwurst and Der Marzipanzerkommand.

Today's exhaustion-inspired deep thought: strip mining prevents forest fires.