I was halfway to work before I realized I'd forgotten my car... I was just running down the freeway.

But that isn't a problem anymore. I got a motorcycle.

And not any motorcycle either - I now am the proud owner of a 2005 black Ninja! Vroom vroom, bisnitch!

And the best part is, I didn't pay a cent for it. It was given to me by the client's Eyes and Ears. w00t!

Of course, it's only on paper. Evil Property Manager's company changed the parking system, and now everybody has to haul around a separate access card if they want to get in and out of the underground. And you can only get one if you have a vehicle registered with them.

So Eyes and Ears invented my motorcycle. I'm thinking of trading it in for a Ducati, but we'll see how this one works out.

Knock knock.

Jesus, it's seven in the morning on my day off!

(opens door) Yes?

"Good morning sir! Would you like these eggs and bacon? There's waffles too, with strawberry syrup."

Er... what?

"Here are your eggs, sir. Have a glorious day."

(closes door, breakfast in hand)

Fucking Jehova's waitresses.

Work continues to be what it always is. My guards seem to have a learning curve best described as "level", or possibly "in slight decline" as they seem to actually forget things I've taught them as they get set into their routines.

Just once, for one guard, I'd like to describe their learning curve as a hyperbola.

2x^2 + 5xy + 3y^2 + 4x + 16y +9 = 0 is a hyperbola. Why isn't this easy for my guards?

A few weeks ago, I was trying to explain emo to both Valium Wailer and Fictional Correspondant, so I hit wikipedia to find something to clarify my explanation. And when I regurgitated that emo came from punk, it occured to me that comparing punk to emo is like comparing chocolate to shit, based solely on the fact that both are brown in colour.

Because I'm in that kind of mood, lately. ;)

Do you like Ali G? Do you know the Borat character? Here's a trailer for you that you might enjoy.
























































I used to think this was really funny, until Doonesbury did it better. I love the hypocrites over at Intelligent Design Corporation.

So go check it out, since Doonesbury wisely keeps me from stealing it directly.

And, since you're so keen to click on my links, apparently there's a Transformers movie coming out. Live action. o_O

And finally, this article on parents pushing for simplified spelling bears a read. Everybody is stupid if they go for this, final answer:

Puush for simpler speling perzists

WASHINGTON (AP) -- When "say," "they" and "weigh" rhyme, but "bomb," "comb" and "tomb" don't, wuudn't it maek more sens to spel wurdz the wae thae sound?

I already hate aol and sms speak. It's a no brainer where I am on this.