Good old Charles Fort
Did I mention that last week one of the bike patrol guys quit? Without notice or anything?
He came in last night to get his bike and helmet, and to tell us what was what.
Partly he was tired with the company, how they got no support or equipment in a timely manner. How he kept getting screwed about his hours.
And this current situation with the property manager at the site just managed to push it over the edge for him. Being told that if he's in trouble he can't call on the nearest person (me) for backup? Screw that he thought.
He's thinking of applying at my company now. ;)
Polish guy the other night went to sleep within an hour of showing up for work. In the lobby. On the part of the floor that isn't tile, but something that looks vaguely like coarse gravel set in cement. With his head against a steel plate with four bolts sticking out. With his arms stretched sideways and his ankles crossed, looking ready to be crucified.
No, I'm not joking.
And when one of the late working people in my site came down and we heard the elevator chime, we attempted to wake him. And again. And again.
She came by, I bid her good night, she went out the door and was walking away before he stirred.
"I wasn't sleeping!" :P
The Indian guy gets so frustrated at this, so last night he followed the Polish guy on his patrol. Sure enough, Polish guy went into a building (he's only supposed to do exteriors, unless responding to an alarm).
The Indian guy went in and found him sleeping. So he went back out and called him on the phone, and asked where he was.
"I'm behind (building number) and heading for (next building number)."
"Okay, I'm at that building too. Where are you?"
"Oh, I'll be right around."
Two minutes later he comes tearing out of the front door, and smacks right into the waiting Indian guy.
"Why do you lie about sleeping all the time? We know you do it, you even do it right in front of us."
"I wasn't sleeping."
"Man, I've been here for ten minutes and I SAW you sleeping in there."
"Impossible, I only got here two minutes ago and just ran in to use the washroom."
Nice to see that revisionist history is alive and well, eh? :)
And now a page of amusing weirdness:
A lorry had shed its load all over the M6. According to its manifest the lorry had been filled with sheets of corrugated iron, although the two police patrolmen were having difficult in accepting this.
"So what I want to know is, where did all the fish come from?" asked the sergeant.
"I told you. They fell from the sky. One minutes I'm driving along at sixty, next second, whap!, a twelve-pound salmon smashes through the windscreen. So I pull the wheel over, and I skidded on that," he pointed to the remains of a hammerhead shark under the lorry, "and ran into that." That was a thirty-foot high heap of fish, of different shapes and sizes.
"Have you been drinking, sir?" asked the sergeant, less than hopefully?
"Course I haven't been drinking, you great wazzock. You can see the fish, can't you?"
On top of the pile a rather large octopus waved a languid tentacle at them. The sergeant resisted the temptation to wave back.
The police constable was leaning into the police car, talking on the radio. "... corrugated iron and fish, blocking off the southbound M6 about half a mile north of junction ten. We're going to have to close off the whole southbound carriageway. Yeah."
The rain redoubled. A small trout, which had miraculously survived the fall, gamely began to swim towards Birmingham.
He came in last night to get his bike and helmet, and to tell us what was what.
Partly he was tired with the company, how they got no support or equipment in a timely manner. How he kept getting screwed about his hours.
And this current situation with the property manager at the site just managed to push it over the edge for him. Being told that if he's in trouble he can't call on the nearest person (me) for backup? Screw that he thought.
He's thinking of applying at my company now. ;)
Polish guy the other night went to sleep within an hour of showing up for work. In the lobby. On the part of the floor that isn't tile, but something that looks vaguely like coarse gravel set in cement. With his head against a steel plate with four bolts sticking out. With his arms stretched sideways and his ankles crossed, looking ready to be crucified.
No, I'm not joking.
And when one of the late working people in my site came down and we heard the elevator chime, we attempted to wake him. And again. And again.
She came by, I bid her good night, she went out the door and was walking away before he stirred.
"I wasn't sleeping!" :P
The Indian guy gets so frustrated at this, so last night he followed the Polish guy on his patrol. Sure enough, Polish guy went into a building (he's only supposed to do exteriors, unless responding to an alarm).
The Indian guy went in and found him sleeping. So he went back out and called him on the phone, and asked where he was.
"I'm behind (building number) and heading for (next building number)."
"Okay, I'm at that building too. Where are you?"
"Oh, I'll be right around."
Two minutes later he comes tearing out of the front door, and smacks right into the waiting Indian guy.
"Why do you lie about sleeping all the time? We know you do it, you even do it right in front of us."
"I wasn't sleeping."
"Man, I've been here for ten minutes and I SAW you sleeping in there."
"Impossible, I only got here two minutes ago and just ran in to use the washroom."
Nice to see that revisionist history is alive and well, eh? :)
And now a page of amusing weirdness:
A lorry had shed its load all over the M6. According to its manifest the lorry had been filled with sheets of corrugated iron, although the two police patrolmen were having difficult in accepting this.
"So what I want to know is, where did all the fish come from?" asked the sergeant.
"I told you. They fell from the sky. One minutes I'm driving along at sixty, next second, whap!, a twelve-pound salmon smashes through the windscreen. So I pull the wheel over, and I skidded on that," he pointed to the remains of a hammerhead shark under the lorry, "and ran into that." That was a thirty-foot high heap of fish, of different shapes and sizes.
"Have you been drinking, sir?" asked the sergeant, less than hopefully?
"Course I haven't been drinking, you great wazzock. You can see the fish, can't you?"
On top of the pile a rather large octopus waved a languid tentacle at them. The sergeant resisted the temptation to wave back.
The police constable was leaning into the police car, talking on the radio. "... corrugated iron and fish, blocking off the southbound M6 about half a mile north of junction ten. We're going to have to close off the whole southbound carriageway. Yeah."
The rain redoubled. A small trout, which had miraculously survived the fall, gamely began to swim towards Birmingham.
posted by Rimmy at 22:07
2 Comments:
You lost me on that one, dude. Why are your coworkers to entertaining to me? Never a dull moment.
That last bit was from "Good Omens", by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaimen, and was specifically about the signs and omens that would accompany the End of the World.
I mean, what's a British cop supposed to do about a rain of fish, anyway? :)
And if my coworkers are entertaining to you, it's only because it's like the world's most tedious sitcom.
OR else because you haven't started your job as a prostitute yet, as voted by your fans.
Let me know when that gets going, because I'm dying for someone to yell really loud into my ass! :D
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