Lex Luthor he ain't
The origin of the Romanian's hate for China, as told to me by a slightly insane Romanian:
However, before we get to that, let me tell you a smaller story from that same night to illustrate the state of mind of the Romanian that told me about China.
Myself, the Romanian, and this young temporary bike patrol guy were sitting in the lobby at around 0430. The Romanian was going off on a rant about women (he's incredibly bitter about them) and I interjected to say "Yeah, but on the first day that Indian Guy met you, you told him that the first thing women ask about is what kind of car you drive, and if you don't have a good car you'll never have a woman."
"It's true man!" he says.
I raise my hand and say I haven't found that to be the case. Then I look over at the temp guy and he says "I have a car now, but I didn't when I got my girlfriend."
"So Romanian, what does that do to your theory? Two out of three instances seem to go counter to your theory."
"Those are all personal experiences. There are fifty million other examples that prove my theory. Let me explain something to you..."
Uh oh, these always go like a freight train loaded in sheet metal rolling sideways down an embankment.
"Two hundred fifty million years ago dinosaurs ruled the world, right? Until one hundred ten million years ago they all died off. That's one hundred forty millions years worth of rule by the dinosaurs. Compare that to a few thousand years of human beings." Then he sat back with a satisfied smile.
I waited a few beats, but he seemed to be done. The temp guy and I met each other's eyes for a moment...
"Uh, we were talking about how you think you need a good car if you ever want a woman to so much as talk to you. How did you get off topic to dinosaurs?"
"Listen to me, man! Two hundred and fifty million years ago..."
Repeat ad nauseum.
So, why he appears to hate China:
At my site, many of the employees don't like my S/S. And in the past month or so, they've given him a nickname: Barney. As in Barney Fife, from the Andy Griffith Show.
Of course, nobody tells him this. ;)
Anyway, I was trying to explain the origin of this to the Romanian since they didn't get the sage of Mayberry where he grew up.
But as I was describing the show, I said it was in black and white. And that set him off.
"Man, every show when I was growing up was in black and white!"
He's approximately 37. Even the Brady Bunch was in colour.
"Dude, you only thought that way because of the Flintstone level of technology in Romania. Using wooly mammoths for vacuum cleaners and such."
"No, listen to me! What happened is that Romania had one of the best colour television factories in the world! And the fucking Communists in the government made a deal with China to sell them every television the factory made, so there was none left for the Romanians, in our own country!"
"So people had to buy televisions from Germany at four times the cost, and so there were very few colour televisions. Fucking China! It's all their fault!"
So there you have it. The seed of hate is planted in the fertile soil of a bugshit-crazy mind. If he wasn't so apathetic about life, we might have the makings of a Marvel supervillain here. :)
On a totally different note, I'm a romantic.
I've always talked in my sleep - enough different people have told me this. The first time I ever slept over at a friend's house, I thought everything went well. I woke up a bit before everybody else, so I went out into the family room to watch some tv.
When the rest of them awoke, they were all giving me the eye and asking if I was okay. Especially the mom.
I said "Yes, why?"
"Oh, because you were screaming in your sleep last night."
Gee, what must they have thought about my home life? I couldn't have been older than eight at the most.
As years passed, I learned that I'd vocally relive experiences from work, speak in tongues... even howl like a demented bear.
And most recently? I apparently rolled over, put an arm around the pillow that was laying next to me, kissed it, and said "I love you." Awwwwww
Well, I guess the secret is out - and I'm proud to be able to say that I love something that's given me such support and comfort. And talk about always wanting to go to bed! Rrrrrrrrooooowwwwrrrrrr!
However, before we get to that, let me tell you a smaller story from that same night to illustrate the state of mind of the Romanian that told me about China.
Myself, the Romanian, and this young temporary bike patrol guy were sitting in the lobby at around 0430. The Romanian was going off on a rant about women (he's incredibly bitter about them) and I interjected to say "Yeah, but on the first day that Indian Guy met you, you told him that the first thing women ask about is what kind of car you drive, and if you don't have a good car you'll never have a woman."
"It's true man!" he says.
I raise my hand and say I haven't found that to be the case. Then I look over at the temp guy and he says "I have a car now, but I didn't when I got my girlfriend."
"So Romanian, what does that do to your theory? Two out of three instances seem to go counter to your theory."
"Those are all personal experiences. There are fifty million other examples that prove my theory. Let me explain something to you..."
Uh oh, these always go like a freight train loaded in sheet metal rolling sideways down an embankment.
"Two hundred fifty million years ago dinosaurs ruled the world, right? Until one hundred ten million years ago they all died off. That's one hundred forty millions years worth of rule by the dinosaurs. Compare that to a few thousand years of human beings." Then he sat back with a satisfied smile.
I waited a few beats, but he seemed to be done. The temp guy and I met each other's eyes for a moment...
"Uh, we were talking about how you think you need a good car if you ever want a woman to so much as talk to you. How did you get off topic to dinosaurs?"
"Listen to me, man! Two hundred and fifty million years ago..."
Repeat ad nauseum.
So, why he appears to hate China:
At my site, many of the employees don't like my S/S. And in the past month or so, they've given him a nickname: Barney. As in Barney Fife, from the Andy Griffith Show.
Of course, nobody tells him this. ;)
Anyway, I was trying to explain the origin of this to the Romanian since they didn't get the sage of Mayberry where he grew up.
But as I was describing the show, I said it was in black and white. And that set him off.
"Man, every show when I was growing up was in black and white!"
He's approximately 37. Even the Brady Bunch was in colour.
"Dude, you only thought that way because of the Flintstone level of technology in Romania. Using wooly mammoths for vacuum cleaners and such."
"No, listen to me! What happened is that Romania had one of the best colour television factories in the world! And the fucking Communists in the government made a deal with China to sell them every television the factory made, so there was none left for the Romanians, in our own country!"
"So people had to buy televisions from Germany at four times the cost, and so there were very few colour televisions. Fucking China! It's all their fault!"
So there you have it. The seed of hate is planted in the fertile soil of a bugshit-crazy mind. If he wasn't so apathetic about life, we might have the makings of a Marvel supervillain here. :)
On a totally different note, I'm a romantic.
I've always talked in my sleep - enough different people have told me this. The first time I ever slept over at a friend's house, I thought everything went well. I woke up a bit before everybody else, so I went out into the family room to watch some tv.
When the rest of them awoke, they were all giving me the eye and asking if I was okay. Especially the mom.
I said "Yes, why?"
"Oh, because you were screaming in your sleep last night."
Gee, what must they have thought about my home life? I couldn't have been older than eight at the most.
As years passed, I learned that I'd vocally relive experiences from work, speak in tongues... even howl like a demented bear.
And most recently? I apparently rolled over, put an arm around the pillow that was laying next to me, kissed it, and said "I love you." Awwwwww
Well, I guess the secret is out - and I'm proud to be able to say that I love something that's given me such support and comfort. And talk about always wanting to go to bed! Rrrrrrrrooooowwwwrrrrrr!
posted by Rimmy at 16:38
3 Comments:
ok Charlie,
That is by far the most funny post I have read since I heard the word"TWATWAFFLE" was invented.
Glad to see that you are still around, and that is one lucky pillow. Altho you should use protection, or else you might get feathers in places you might now want them.
a) I turned down a meathead in a very nice car for my husband, who had none at the time.
b) If the Romanian tourist bureau ever gets whiff of this guy, they will totally shut him down.
Fictional - that pillow needs a good washing I think. I hope it doesn't fall apart then. :P
Jay - I know the car thing isn't true. He's just always looking to blame everybody else for how he is.
Plus, I'm sure Romania is glad to be rid of him, unless they're ALL like that there. A scary enough thought that now I'm considering building a wall around the country and leaving the water running. :P
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